Dr. Cox is my fav character from SCRUBS. He is the sarcastic, bitter mentor of JD , the show’s main character. Dr. Cox routinely rants at and belittles J.D., though his apparently rough treatment of J.D. is intended as conditioning for the rigors and horrors of hospital life, as well as an outlet for Cox’s frustration in his life. Dr. Cox is sarcastic and narcissistic, with a cruel wit. He is also very concerned about the way he is perceived in the hospital, often making very illogical and self-destructive decisions in order to keep his “bad boy” image. However, he is a very skilled doctor, the best doctor in the hospital.
- Think of my patience as your virginity. You thought it would always be there. But one night in junior year when you were feeling down yourself, and your friend Kevin — who just wanted to be friends — came over with a copy of About Last Night and a four-pack of Bartels and James, and — ba-dow! Gone forever! Just like my patience is now.
- They hate you, Bob. They hate you from the bottom of your hooves to the top of your pitchfork. My God, they hate you good!
- (to the tune of Big Ben’s chime) Wrong wrong wrong wrong, wrong wrong wrong wrong! You’re wrong! You’re wrong! You’re wrong!
- If I lose that tape, my ex-wife will hold it over my head so long that I’ll never see the sun again. And I like the sun, Newbie! It made me hopeful!
- My God, I care so little, I almost passed out.
- You don’t have to answer to me, or to Kelso, or even to your patients for God’s sake! The only one you have to answer to, Newbie, is you! There, you are evaluated. Now get out of here, because you truly make me so damn mad I might just hurt myself!
- (about his ex-wife) Of course, I may have tormented her from time to time; but, honest to God, that’s what I thought marriage was all about.
- I became a doctor for the same four reasons that everybody does – chicks, money, power and chicks.
- What we have here is a prescription for two testicles, get this filled whenever.
- So my girlfriend serviced most of the staff? I’m proud of her commitment to medicine.
- (talking to God) Now, I know you say you love us all equally. But you don’t, do ya? I’m onto you, Big Man!
- People are bastard-coated bastards with bastard filling.
- I love this moment so much I want to have sex with it.
- Damn it Barbie, are you a real doctor or are you a doctor like Dr. Pepper is a doctor, hmm?
- He seems strangely impervious to my threats. That annoys me.
- I’m fairly sure that if they took all the porn off the Internet, there’d only be one website left, and it would be called Bring Back the Porn.
- Oh, hey, Bob, here’s an idea: What say you stop showing up altogether? We’ll just replace you with a giant time-clock. Oh, and if we ever get to missing you, we’ll just have a tiny little Bob Kelso cuckoo bird pop out every couple of minutes and say “I’ve never satisfied a woman. I’ve never satisfied a woman. I’ve never satisfied a woman.”
- I suppose I could riff a list of things that I care as little about as our last week together. Lemme see, uhh…. Low-carb diets. Michael Moore. The Republican National Convention. Kabbalah and all Kabbalah-related products. Hi-def TV, the Bush daughters, wireless hot spots, ‘The O.C.’, the U.N., recycling, getting Punk’d, Danny Gans, the Latin Grammys, the real Grammys. Jeff, that Wiggle who sleeps too darn much! The Yankees payroll, all the red states, all the blue states, every hybrid car, every talk show host! Everything on the planet, everything in the solar system, everything everything everything everything everything everything–eve–everything that exists — past, present and future, in all discovered and undiscovered dimensions. Oh – and Hugh Jackman.