I am (is) an illusion

I awoke with a start. I don’t know why this has been happening with me more regularly than before. I don’t remember when I slipped into a slumber. Was I dreaming before I woke up so suddenly ? I can’t remember. in fact I don’t seem to remember anything. It’s like a part of my memory has been wiped clean with some recursive algorithm. Wait. Am I fully awake ? I can just sense the angle of my torso change from 180 to 90. My eyelids are still shut; my breath is short and fast paced. I can’t seem to feel the weight of my body at all (amazed at the same time cuz i do have some considerable weight) The moth infested blanket is wrapped around me like a ghungat.I feel like I want to get up but I don’t seem to be able to. I feel weightless and heavy at the same time. I hover in this state for a few seconds or hours I can’t tell. Sense of time and place is non existent. I try to bring up a few thoughts to see if i am alive or  dead but nothing’s impeding on my grey cells. Have I lost my memory, I wonder or am I human anymore ? Am I a ghost trapped in purgatory ?

maya - illusion I fail to realize that all these ideas of life and death are thoughts themselves. Do I need some physical activity to set the brain into motion so that once it is running it will automatically manufacture thoughts ? Am I a yogi whose kundalani has awoken ? I’m being further sucked into a vortex of questions that seem to appear out of now where and before I’ve had a time to latch on to them they disappear into a thought sucking black hole. Was I travelling through time and got stalled at some juncture from where I cant see forward or backward. And why is there no light anywhere only pitch dark. I can now sense a little beads of sweat breaking out on my forehead. I’m am aware that it is sweat and that it’s on my forehead. But how did this information suddenly appear out of the black ? Who or what is feeding me this info ? I’m thinking in hindi ,english, tamil and telugu at the same time. Energy seems to flow in and out of me in wavelets. Can I even fly now ? Have all my  neurons been severed because I can’t seem to be feeling any physical movement and seem to be in a position not to induce any, though I am aware of my fingers and toes. It’s like I’m floating in a cryptless void; a spirit hovering above my own body. And I am thinking am I being born or brought into this world ? If yes, then i would be one helluva of a sinner destined to be punished for breaking some karmic law.

Slowly the sense of the world and it’s beings dawns upon me. Abruptly I’m in an aeroplane by the window seat. The captain announces we are approaching earth. I look outside. It is a beautiful sight. The big blue. I don’t remember where/when i boarded the flight. The plane runs into strong winds, there is plenty or turbulence. The plane is swaying wildly over the ocean and looks like it’s going to nose dive any moment. I feel shivers running through my body. Suddenly a trapdoor under my seat opens and I’m air borne on a magnificent throne with flapping wings. I enter a castle in the clouds. As the chair speeds along the corridor there are videos playing on the numerous televisions that line the wall. There are people in those movies : singing, dancing, crying, loving, fighting. And somehow each frame appears to be familiar to me. How do I know these people ? Did I have a past life on earth where I created and destroyed all these people ? who is feeding me all this visual information. And how can I see with my eyes closed shut ? The flying chair speeds out of the corridor into dark rainy clouds.

I can feel the rain now. I’m transformed into a five year old boy now. In some distant corner of my seemingly black mind a motherly voice tells me not to get wet in the rain as i will catch a cold. Whose voice is it ? Why does it convey so much love and fear at the same time? Fear and love are such powerful feelings that don’t seem to co-exist with each other. Each in awe of the other’s control on human existence. This is good progress. I’m processing thoughts now. The rain brings visual images of paper boats, hot food and that heavenly smell the dry earth emanates when rain water falls on it. So long did i try to bottle up that smell. Now i realize, nature didn’t want me to trap one of her many beautiful creations just for my own greedy sake. Nature belonged to everyone. Only man could be foolish enough to try and claim it as his own and draw boundaries for it. Air, Water, Earth, Fire, Wind : Nature.

forces of nature Everyone of who is born on earth may of may not have living parents but none realizes that nature is their first mother; who will be there for them now and time ad infinitum. The chair lands in a lush green meadow. I am surprised that I can remember the name of color as green and that it’s the color of the earth with life. My feet feel heavy as I step down from the throne. I can feel a deadweight attached to them that’s making them heavy. I make an action of flinging them off. And my feet are lighter. I feel the earth with my toes. The soft uncut blades of grass running through my feet give me a calming sensation. I don’t have eyes ; but i can see trough the earth. It’s like my feet are plugged into an earth information highway. I can feel everything that moves on it’s surface. Insects, animals, humans, bulldozers. Everything that moves on earth seems to have a distinct motion signature to it. I can feel people walking : light hearted, heavy hearted , no hearted. If I could learn the contortions of the earth maybe I could move it. Every mammal on earth instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with its surrounding environment, but us humans do not. We move to an area and we multiply, and multiply until every natural resource is consumed and the only way we can survive is to spread to an another area.

I keep walking further. The sun has just risen over the green fields. It’s rays are a golden red. Intense and awe inspiring at the same time. I feel hot. I strip down and let the sun’s rays impede me and purify me. Every cell of my body has been rejuvenated. I feel like the most powerful man in the world. I gather my clothes and keep walking till the end of day.

I reach the sea coast. It’s tranquil and devoid of any human presence. Just a few sea gulls flapping around. The waves crash gently on to the rocks. It’s a full moon. A cool breeze runs as the waves move forward and backward. Is the moon causing the tides that move the waves ?  Can an object so far away from earth have such a grip on it causing the water to sway according to it’s whims? If man could copy the way the moon achieves this he could control the waters. And also doesn’t this illustrate the vice like grip money,power and goals and have over us. A goal may be far away but with our sights firmly set on it we draw ourselves near to it. We walk the walk and talk the talk, as it wants us to, in order for us to get it. I jump into the ocean and start swimming towards what seems to be a whirlpool forming in the middle. I reach it’s periphery and get sucked into it.full moon  I’m least bothered as to what’s gonna happen next. I find myself in a desert now. Hot winds are blowing and the sun is blazing down upon my naked back. I see huge towering pyramid like structures on the horizon.  I wrap my shirt around my face and keep walking towards them. I’ve been walking for quite some time and yet I don’t seem to be getting anywhere near to the pyramids. And the sand around me seems to be shifting it’s position rather frequently. I’m exhausted. I sit down in the sand. I plough my hands into the fine sediment as it runs through my fingers and smoothly falling into a heap. I take a fistful of it and hold it upto the winds. And in a instant like a swooping vulture the wind blows it all away and I cant find a single grain in my hand. Wind is powerful. A very powerful force. Water may be tamed by dam-ing it, sun light by building greenhouses, fire by extinguishers, earth by quarrying it but wind can’t be tamed. Wind is energy in it’s restless form. It can go anywhere and everywhere. Absence of air is vacuum; absence of light is dark, absence of hot is cold, absence of life is/ is not death.

Life. How do we define life. Just because something is born, evolves over time and ultimately dies make it a living thing ? The fundamental law of thermodynamics states that the total energy of the universe is fixed and that energy can not be created or destroyed—only converted from one form to another. So if the whole life – birth cycle were a closed system then we are just moving from one body to another. I may be an Asian in one birth and a Caucasian or a donkey in the other. The body as we see it is just a receptor of this energy called soul. So much for my understanding of physics. I keep walking and reach an oasis. It has a beautiful watering hole in the middle. I greedily gulp down as much as my parched throat can hold.

LioraB.tif, 9/18/08, 12:46 PM,  8C, 3650x4740 (99+215), 100%, chrome 6 stops,  1/15 s, R121.6, G100.8, B124.2 Replenished I look around. I see a mendicant in long flowing orange robes sitting in an asana. I go to him and gently bow down to him and offer my obeisance. The guru is obviously is a great soul as I can see an aura of light surrounding him. He looks at me puts his hands on my forehead and tells me to open my eyes. I try to but I can’t. But how am I able to see all that is happening before me. He explains that all the while that I thought my eyes were shut they were infact wide open. I couldn’t just feel the physical sensation of them being open. But even with my eyes wide open I had been blind. And this blindness was not of the physical kind but rather of the spiritual kind. I was walking through life unnoticed. And all this was because there is a thin veneer that separates the spiritual from the physical and it is called MAYA.

Many a texts and many a life times have been spent studying and understanding the nature of maya. Maya is the limited, purely physical and mental reality in which your everyday consciousness has become entangled. Maya is a veiling of the true, unitary self , the cosmic spirit known as Brahman. Maya has two principal functions — one is to veil Brahman and obscure and conceal it from your consciousness. The other is to present and promulgate the material world and the veil of duality instead of Brahman. You have to pierce the veil of Maya in order to glimpse the transcendent truth. Consider an illusion of a rope being mistaken for a snake in the darkness. Just as this illusion gets destroyed when true knowledge of the rope is perceived, similarly, Maya gets destroyed for a person when they perceive Brahman with transcendental knowledge.

I ask him if I am ready for the transcendental knowledge to be revealed to me. He tells me that when the time is right I  will be led to a master who will set me on the path to salvation, till then I have to be grounded to my 9-5 desk job in New York City.maya tshirt

     I’m not an illusion anymore.I am real.

“ For that which we cannot see, feel, smell, touch, or understand, we do not believe. For this, we are merely fools walking on the grounds of great potential with no comprehension of what is”  – old Buddhist saying

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5 thoughts on “I am (is) an illusion

  1. hey really good piece of work..luvd the start..green fields deserts..sea has left me admistt them..infact frm two or three piece of writin of yours…likd tis one the most

  2. it is better if you stopped writing this piece of shit!! u call yourself "creative" and "shocker" at the same time …i guess you are a shock to creativity with your BS!!!

  3. @ anonymous…lol 'shock' to 'creativity'…man you sure are some original piece of work. I have a kind suggestion for you. lay off the cheese for a while; will help you in getting rid of all these smelly, constipated ideas of urs. why do i get the feeling you are a Telugu guy 😛

  4. Hats off!!Very very good! This is a very wonderful piece of thought that always lingered in my mind.. You have beautifully described it.. Signs of a good book in the making.. :)THE BEST PART is the Title… =D>Yet again, the transformation in your writing is loud and clear.. You are getting philosophical! :)Rock on!Kal

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