So my head was feeling all puffed up and shit. Ransacked the refrigerator to grab a late night quickie. Milk in the carton had sunk to abysmal levels ruling out the possibility of some chai. In silence stirred up a concoction of dark black coffee. Sat on the kitchen shelf sipping the hot beverage letting out a muffled shriek on misjudging the temperature. lousy mechanical engineer. The kitchen shelf is a nice secluded spot giving you the advantage of jumping a intruder if he came through the front door. I sit by the window and watch outside as it rains rather heavily. Rain drops splattering on to the front porch making a nice little pool, a different time and a different place I would be sailing paper boats in it with the bro. Sitting by the window seems to put life in perspective. As the level of the black liquid in the cup goes down, the fluid levels in my bladder seems to shoot up at an alarming rate. Are my kidneys bailing on me ? I try to hold that thought and hold the pressure as I rush out for a smoke. And immediately run back in to pull up some knee length shorts on to my boxers. It’s friggin cold out there. For someone who’s the box been holed up in NYC for two years the temperatures down south should have been a blip on the radar, but alas; either the heat generating abilities of my bodies have cooled down or I’m clothed in my birthday suit. Even after securing the shorts around my constantly shape shifting waist I still feel cold as hell. I grab a nice floral pattern pink blanket that my mother bought for me in India, wear it like a ghoongat and step outside, trembling like a newly wed bride on her first night.
A peek into the crush box reveals just one cancer stick. Who’s been stealing my smokes god damit. Wait, no one else smokes in this dwelling place. Isn’t that the primary reason I’m an outcast here. I drink, I smoke and I talk, a lot. So either I’ve lost count of how many butts i’ve stamped out since morning or some one has genuinely been waylaying my stuff. I guess it’s the former. If cigarette butts were to be living things then I would be the pablo escobar of butt land. ha ha. butt land. sounds funny and has a nice ring to it. pot land, butt land all these lands seems to have some degree of curvature associated with them. Holding the many thoughts, and the ever increasing pressure I step out with the flip flops making the flip flop sound. ha ha flip flops some distant past memory of me from the Electronic Devices and circuits lab final viva flashes. The question, I don’t remember, the tongue tied feeling, I remember. There haven’t been many tongue tied moments in my life except for when being caught pants down watching porn, committing to relationships, the many viva’s in the four years of B.Tech, the recently concluded job interview and that one time at Subway when at the end of the sandwich collection counter my wallet suddenly disappeared. Yea, not many.
I sit on my bare bones metal chair with the rubber cushioning admiring my butt patterns from the previous seating an hour ago. Some work of art. Deep, well pressed and uniform. Feels like second skin. If I could have these butts for brains then i would be Einstein times Newton times Me. I flip open the crush box, draw out the last stick in a slow motion 300 like format. Flick the bic lighter, again in slow motion, at the point of contact between the stick and the nozzle of the lighter where a nice bright flame should have been came the dismal fart of a spark. Abandoned the slow motion and started flicking like a mad man. Just tiny sparks no substantial flame. And just like in the movies when the lady puts a cigarette in her mouth a bevy of hands appear out of no where (all of them want to sleep with the girl) to light it up a flame materialized before me and I was a happy man. It was Bob Gali ( i like to make up fancy names for people with otherwise long and boring south indian names, in this case a long cannot commit to memory types tamil name)
Bob Gali was like this tamil version of the dark knight (minus the raspy voice, the face mask and a checkered print lungi). He prowls the corridors of nicholson drive; a vigilante without a purpose. Many a times we end up borrowing smokes from each other.[The Bro code clause 3b : A bro who has at least one cigarette more than a fellow broke smoker bro is to share it with him irrespective of race, religion and creed] I raise my hands and acknowledging his kind and timely gesture as smoke flows from my nostrils. A few drags and Natasha Bedingfield can take me away to her secret place. Bob gali is looking tense today. Maybe he found some criminals prowling the lush green lawns of Nicholson at 3 am. I’m normally a very probing person (may this has something to do with the probe little green aliens gave me that one time) and when a person has this dead serious don’t fucking shit with me look on his face i end up breaking my water. I quiz him in talk show host format. I draw up my chair and sit facing him in. The advantage of being a little sinful healthy is that, when you obstruct people’s line of vision they have to see you and only you. You draw people into a single point focus yoga like state. So I start my soon to be rapid fire with an innocent question.
Sid: Dude that LSU vs Florida game sucked. That tebow guy, yada yada
The Dark Knight: ya man our guys fucked up both the offense and the defense. Our jocks should stop sleeping around with sorority girls for a while and get their game right yada, yada
sid : Why so serious ? You seem all pumped up and stuff like you just benched some hundred odd.
TDK: Just spoke to mom macha (i’m connecting with him) She started all this talk about marriage and stuff.
Sid: oh! that’s ok dude. Happens to us males all the times. This is just the beginning so no worries.
TDK: No man. She showed me pictures of some five girls and asking me to pick.
Sid: man! sure your mom is fast. She broaches the premise and produces photographic evidence, all in the same conversation (CSI guys take cue)
TDK: How old are you ?
Sid: some unimportant number.
TDk: You sure don’t look like some unimportant number.
Sid: what can I say, my ancestors used to worship hanuman, I am well endowed. And five quarts of ice cream per week can do wonders for flab growth.
TDk : I am three bat years ahead of some unimportant number. So I guess it’s time for me to build my bat cave and settle down. One of the girls in the pictures was hot wife material. WILF.
Sid: interesting. So what’s stopping you from taking the ultimate plunge into the strange wilderness ? crabs ?
TDK: I want a house wife types and all the pictures my mom showed was of working girls.
Sid: working girls will become house wives and not vice versa. working girls are kinda better. They work all day and work you in the night.
TDK: carnal pleasures aside, I want a wife who is supportive, understanding, and doesn’t goad me to quit smoking.
Sid: The third clause is plausible. Girls smoke.
TDk: I guess the IT background girls are better. Everyone who’s in IT wants to get out of it. Coding is more horrific than marriage. And IT girls can walk the walk and talk the talk.
Sid: So arranged marriage it is. No love and all.
TDk: No girl friend problem.
Sid: wats the status of I-got-the-job-i-still-din’t-get-my-opt-card
TDk: When I called the company today in the morning asking them if I could work without opt card they sounded all positive about the gang bang. Some HR guys calls me in the night and tells they now have NEW fucked up rules for international students and that without my opt card I will not be able to start employment. Some deep shit this whole thing is.
Sid: OPT card will arrive soon. USPS delivers on its promises, though late.
TDK: (working up a sad,heavy, i’m deeply thinking tone) Dude my life is not the life I wanted.
Sid:(using a seldom quoted, always misunderstood american expression) tell me about it.
TDK: I worked in TCS for three years before I came to the US. And in the US i got an intern at Intel. I interned for one year (and you made tons of money from what I hear) And those were the best days of my life (TDK and Bryan Adams ? !) There was never any work pressure [Intel reported third-quarter sales of $9.4 billion– down by more than $800 million from last year], no anal humping superiors, no glass ceiling, I was enjoying what i was doing (something related to microprocessors) and I genuinely thought i had found my true calling in life. Cut to now. This recession has gang raped the IT industry. I had to ultimately take up this coding job which holds no real charm for me. I’m more of a research guy. The things you have to do to pay the bills.
Sid: trying to blow smoke rings.
TDK: When you enter this country you dream of all the big things you can do (playboy, penthouse, hooters) you feel like finally a window of opportunity has opened whence you can take that constipated deuce you held inside for eternity.But US is good only for it’s citizens. We as non-immigrants have it very tough here. The moment you enter it’s like a number has been bar-coded on to your forehead and you are tracked every instant. We don’t have the freedom to pursue what we want because we have to maintain our status. fuck! (this one is one of those deep fucks. not the causal everyday fucks he uses)
Sid: (going all Buddha on the anguished soul) life is what happens when you are busy making plans for it.
TDK : fuck ~ (the milder fuck, reserved for unwanted advice)
Sid: Stamping out the cigarette. pablo escobar.
Sid : (laid back, legs crossed, minus the cat, feeling the floral pattern on the warped blanket like Don Vito Corleone) When you want something with all you heart the whole world conspires in getting you that. The Alchemist. True Story. So there is still hope in your story if you don’t drown in an abysmal pit of impotency.
TDK: oh yea.
Sid: In our parents youth they din’t have many choices for a career. They took up whatever came to them but always made sure that the family was secure. Our generation has been exposed to choices. Choices in everything, from the brand of underwear to the fat content of milk in your espresso. With choice comes uncertainty as a value added service. When we select a particular choice we are always thinking about what would have happened if we had picked the other choice. This is the essence of all confusion. This is Maya. And for further understanding of maya you should the previous entry on my blog.
TDK: true. Choice has spoiled us all. Even when my mother was showing me those photos I was visualizing myself beside each girl. I can’t seem to pick one. I feel like I want all four of them and many more. he he.
Sid: Someday this recession will end and there will be a few major corporations that will dot the post financial apocalypse map. Corporations like Walmart, Amazon, Google, Apple, Microsoft etc. They will have the sole financial muscle to buy out competing organizations. If it is in their power they may even name planets after them.
TDK: yea I’ve also noticed this. But I always dreamed of working for google. When I cracked intel I felt google was within my reach.
Sid: explained this blogpost to him (http://stopdesign.com/archive/2009/03/20/goodbye-google.html)
TDK: oh I see. Was not aware of that. Did you listen to the songs of Vettaikkaran ? They are good.
Sid: I got to get back to watching Jhonny English.